A cook at war, and on the run

I am in a giant house and I have decided not to go to work that day, this is happening during world war II. Around the house their are improvisers cooking on small grills. One of them is Craig Uhlir. He asks me casually what I would cook if I were behind a grill. I tell him I would unfold Broccoli and fill it with cream cheese, and I would also make chicken wings. He smiles and nods and says "Well then I think we have a grill for you." He goes to some shelves and puts the ingredients I listed on a paper plate, and tells me to follow him. There is a swamp full of soldiers up to their waists in mud, and Craig tells one of them to start digging a ditch in the mud for the new grill I will cook in for them. I realize that I am also one of the soldiers. As the soldier digs the ditch with the butt of his rifle, Craig tells us that there is an attack on the way from Africa, and we are on the front lines. Our job is the make the place look like a mess. The soldier who is digging goes white, as do the rest of the soldiers, we know that we are probably going to die. Craig is smiling at us, and he leaves. I hide the best I can behind a tree and mount my gun, preparing for the people coming in. A bright orange grenade drops in and explodes, nobody is hurt. Then we start to hear a great angry crowd shouting and shooting guns, they are coming our direction. We are hearing screams of pain and triumphant shouts of rage. I ready my gun to pick them off as they come over the edge that leads down into our swamp. They are getting closer.

Just then I hear running and shouting behind me, and a group of African tribesman are running in, enraged and all holding pistols. They point the pistols as us and begin to shoot, we shoot back. I am terrified and I try to stay away from the bullets. They are not good shots and I am amazingly not killed, though I am hit in the shoulder all the soldiers in my group are shot dead. Their heads and body parts violently explode where they are hit, I pretend to be dead and lay in the mud. They run off, and I try to run to safety. As I am running through the streets, I see that these same men are using their pistols on everybody they see. Randomly shooting civilians in the head. I am horrified at the violence and I continue to run, hoping I am not caught or seen by one of the men. As I continue to run, I hear myself retelling the story of my escape in my head. I see a fence near a highway, I run up to it, and a cop car pulls up to arrest a woman standing in front of it because she is a detective but not a very good one, I climb the fence and I hear the cop coming after me for climbing the fence. I duck behind it to hide, the cop climbs the fence after me, and starts to explain that I can't be over here so close to the highway. I try to tell the officer what is happening, and that civilians are being shot but he doesn't believe me. There is a gap in the fence and I see a group of people running away, I know they are being chased by a man with a gun. I slowly move out of the sightlines of that gap in the fence, and I watch as the police officer looks horrified, because one of the African soldiers is pointing his gun at him. He is shot in the head and he dies instantly. I wait for the man to leave and then I start running down the highway against traffic. I see a charter bus and I wave it down. As I am doing this, a gunman sees me and starts to run towards me. I tell the bus to drive. Eventually, I asked to drive the bus.

I am speeding the bus down the highway to get away, and I can't keep the bus straight. Kimber Hall is sitting shotgun, and is asking what I want to do, I tell her I have no idea. I accidently start to drive off the road and I run through a sign for a car store that only sells firebirds. We turn on the radio and the news people are saying that they were attempting to start a race war within the united states, but they did not succeed of course.

I am driving on the highway, I can't keep control of the bus, I am running scared and I don't know where I'm going. Don't you hate obvious dreams like that?

Then I woke up.

Games, politicians, a new hat, and a storm.

Barack Obama came to speak at a small community I was living in. I was supposed to have the series of TVs plugged in right so everybody could hear him. When he showed up, everybody was watching and could hear him but me. I looked around, and throughout this whole community (which lived in a kind of swamp cave, where there were small pools of water around, and little wooden shacks, but also a stone floor and stalagtites and such). There were TVs everywhere that were off and I couldn't see or hear him, but everybody else could. So I decided to switch two buttons, and then the TV screens were blasting He-Man instead of the speach. Everybody in the community turned around and looked at me, angry that I messed around with the wires. My parents were nearby and I was embarrassed. I quickly adjusted the buttons and wires, and the TVs went blank and silent to me again, and everybody else turned and watched the speech. Everybody could see and hear it except me.

After the speech I was in a friendly competition where everybody plays as little white dots that go around and shoot each other through various winding caves. At the end of the round, you would race to the finish and become a certain political leader based on where you finished. There was a long round that I did not bad in, and at the end we were all racing to the finish through a thin, winding cave. I would shoot the person ahead of me on the way, and found that the second time I did this I was receiving damage, too. So I stopped. I sped ahead as fast as I could, and ended up going into the fourth place circle of light, and became condellezza rice. We all sat in a circle and waited.

I was left with two other people. We were sitting in a large circle, except there were only three people. So it was like a large circle that a bunch of people left. The woman across the circle from me sat in a small red plane. Somebody left to get their retarded clone of George W. Bush, which it was going to be our job to take care of. We started to say things like "oh...no, that's alright...we can't..." but the person who made the clone had already went into a nearby barn and came out with the clone, who looked like a short and stocky woman. "Hi!", the retarded female George W. Bush greeted us. We gave half hearted hellos.

"Hey," she/he said, "you know where I can get some cancer?"

I started to say "Um...that's not something you really go out and get...uh"

Then the woman in the red plane repeated my statement for assertively.

Later, I found myself at a local high school, thinking I could just walk in and use their internet. I was limping for some reason. I had walked from my home nearby, and I wasn't sure if this was a high school or a junior high, but it soon became clear it was a high school. The students looked at me like I was a teacher, so if they were rough housing around me I would say "Guys, come on...cut it out." In a sort of way that said "I get it. It's funny. But not now, okay." Friendly but assertive. Not condescending. (In real life, I think people talk to kids like they're stupid. It's real annoying.) I was wearing my NASA hat, and it was in real bad shape. I started adjusting it as I walked through the hallway, and the plastic fastner on the back fell off. Frustrated, I took it off my head, and started to fiddle around with it. I saw what looked like some spots in the hat that would let me tear it in half, so I wanted to see if I could. I pulled on the hat and it was now in two halves. I tried to still wear it but it fell off my head. I tall student dropped a new hat in my hands that had a symbol I knew meant south Florida. I wore it, and decided it was my new hat I was always wearing.

The school was very big. In it, students even had their own mini stock trading center. There were stairs in the main entrance and a statue of something that looked like an egg cracked open with something wavey rising out of it.

I went into a computer lab, and a balding teacher saw me and asked where my student pass was. He was very gruff and walked with his forearms pointed inwards. I explained that I was old enough to be an employee of the school and not a student, and I was just leaving anyway. I walked outside and it looked like it was lunch time, or some sort of recreational time for the students to hang outside and talk. I limped past all the students, and then ran into my friend Cate Freedman, who in my dream was still in high school. She smiled when she saw me and gave me a big hug, and we spoke briefly. I told her what happened to my NASA hat. I told her I had to get going and I left.

As I started to walk away, I saw that a storm was coming. The wind was blowing very intensely, and I had to lean at a full 45 degree angle in order to just go forward. It was starting to rain a bit. I pushed forward, and saw that cars were trying to get a spot in a big parking garage for safety. They were in such a rush that I almost got hit by a van while crossing the street. Eventually the cars saw me and I was able to slowly push myself against the wind and cross the street.

I saw that there was a place offering refuge to people from the storm. In my mind I knew this was a Christian institution, but I wasn't bothered by that. There was a line where they would have you empty your pockets so they could see if you were godly enough to seek their shelter. Your belongings were checked by a man in a black suit and tie sitting on a stool. I got to the front of the line and told them I only had my wallet, keys and phone. The door man started to look at them. In my mind I hoped I didn't have some sort of atheist club card in my wallet that he might see. I also had a nerf gun with me and a long thin yellow nerf arrow with a suction cup at the end of it in my pockets, and I handed these over to be inspected. The door man said "hmmm...okay, good good. But what's this gun for?" I explained that it was from a friendly paintball type game I was playing earlier, and that we'd use the nerf guns for practice.

"Ah, okay. You can go in," he said, "but only if we can keep this. This is ungodly you know." I had no real attachment to it, so I said that's fine and I went inside. I was given a room with a bed. I removed my clothes, which were very wet, and I was given a laptop with internet access. I immediately looked up porn. A 70s porno came up, with two women and David Hassellhoff. David Hassellhoff was getting a handjob from one of the women while another put a butt plug in herself attached to a kind of harness and moved around. I noted that David Hassellhoff's boner was so big the camera couldn't capture the whole thing (snarky side note: obviously, this is true in real life.) I was facsinated by this, while unarosed and untitilated. I found myself thinking about how humans don't really change, and we all like sex.

Just then I heard somebody coming, I tried to close the window but I couldn't, so I minimized it. I right clicked the icon and kept trying to close the program but the computer was real slow so it wasn't closing. Just then, three male teenagers came into my room and sat on the bed with a "what's up." greeting. I was finally able to close the window. I closed the laptop for good measure. "Hello," I said, "may I help you?"

"Oh, we're just here to talk," one of them said. They were all carrying books.

"You're here to talk to me about god, aren't you?" I said.

"Yes, we are."

"Well, that's fine but you aren't going to like what I'm going to say to you."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I don't believe any of those things. God isn't real. And in fact I think it's complete nonsense. And I'm going to tell you that in a real straight forward way and I don't want you to get all offended and angry at me. Believe me, it's nothing personal. I'm sure you're still a good person, you just believe complete nonsense," I explained.

The three boys started to look at each other. One said, "Your time is almost up though. It's time to believe." I basically ignored this statement with a 'that doesn't make any sense' type statement, and the boys started to ignore me. Eventually they left, and I knew it was because they thought I was possessed by the devil. An older pastor came in and tried to talk to me, avoiding god talk. I knew the three boys had told him I was an atheist, and he was trying to be nice.

I slept in my room for 20 hours. And when I got up the storm had long since passed. I asked a church helper where I could get my clothes, and they were in a bad in the room next to mine. He started to talk to me about his plans to move to New York, even though it is an ungodly city, he wanted to live a life that wasn't so safe anymore. He said he wanted the excitement and danger of wondering whether he would live or die. I looked out the window and saw a tall office building that I knew was part of the high school. On the top floor, there was a large window through which I saw a bunch of computer banks and tickers showing stock prices. It was like a mini wall street. With six or seven high school students working the trade floor. I lit up billboard under their window showed stock prices.

I continued to briefly talk about New York with this teenage church helper as I got dressed. He seemed very excited to do something that he knew the church wouldn't necessarily approve of, and knew that I was somebody he could tell this about.

Then I woke up.

Gliding, dreaming about dreaming, a new baby, a racist.

I have a sort of glider that I am using. It is shaped like a big flat crescent roll and I hold it under my arms like an empty lunch tray with my arms over the top of it. It allows me to ride the wind, and I am practicing in my grandmother's front yard. She has very tall trees that I can grab onto if I feel like I am unsafe. I am very high up and I am gliding from the front yard to the side yard to the back. Hanging onto tall tree branches as I go. I decide that this is the method I will use to visit my mother in Indiana, rather than catch a plane or a bus, I will glide there. I am practicing going from tree to tree. I leave my over the shoulder pack wrapped around a tree branch on the ground, all ready for travel, and I go to swim practice.

In the locker room, I get into an argument with another swimmer over diet, and reject accusations that I am bragging about my gliding ability. I contend that I only have flown around my grandmother's yard from tree to tree three different times, and that I never claimed to be a great expert. Somebody pulls some granola bars out of a cabinet and lays them down and sarcastically challenges the person I am arguing with to eat them. In my mind I imagine myself as Michael Phelps, and I am swimming faster than him the whole practice despite devouring candy right beforehand. In my mind, in this hypothetical situation, I am mocking him after every lap, but eventually my bad diet catches up to me and I get very tired.

I am back at my grandma's practicing gliding. The argument has made me approach it much more carefully. My over the shoulder pack is still at the tree. I didn't think anybody would take it. I am holding on to the trees much more tightly, afraid that I will fall down now, my inability to glide well having recently been pointed out. It is frustrating because I know I have done this very well before, so well, in fact, that I made plans to fly to my mother in Indiana all the way from Michigan rather than taking a bus or a plane. I swoop down and pick up my pack, to practicing gliding with it. I ride the wind back up to the tall tree tops, clinging to them. I cling to one and climb it, and I think about how the green goblin had a glider, so it's good for me too. There is a large spider web at this tree top, and one brown thickly knit sock and a cloth knit the same way. I note to myself that my sister must have made these and somehow hung them way up here. I let one drop to the ground, and then start to have a small panic over the spider web I am touching, because I do not want a large spider on me. I imagine the spider, large and yellow, and it frightens me greatly.

I glide away from the tree and down to the ground. I meet my old girlfriend, Melody, who is driving her small white car. She is pregnant with our baby, but is going to raise it with our friend Stu. We are supposed to drive together instead of glide, because now when I imagine gliding, the amount of stopping I would do to explain things to curious children seems like it would be too time consuming. Melody is moody due to her pregnancy. I deal with her outbursts by remaining calm and rational.

We decide that we are going to spend the night on a grassy field near my old junior high school. There are many people with sleeping bags in this field. They are all put together on the edge of the grassy field, next to a large corn field. I am sleeping, with my eye carefully pointed at the road, suspicious of cars that drive by. Some of them drive right out to our field, but always end up being more people sleeping in the field. In the middle of the night, Melody leaves in a huff, and I watch her leave carefully, hoping our baby is okay, but not wanting to intrude because I will not be the one raising it. I watch her care drive off, and continue to watch the other cars, just in case there is an intruder.

Melody comes back and she is breathing hard. She is naked. I ask her what is wrong and she points to her tummy and I think she might be going into labor. In my mind I imagine how emotional and teary eyed happy I will be when I first see our baby, but I don't want to get to emotional because I will not be the one to raise it and I don't want things to be awkward. She starts to breath hard, and is indignant with me. She does not want me there but she needs somebody. She starts to roughly massage her genitals to prepare for birthing and it is making a violent wet sound. She glares at me angrily, blaming me for her predicament. She does this again.

I have a false awakening, and start to reflect on the dreams I was having. In my mind, I think about how I will say "I note to myself that my sister must have made these and somehow hung them way up here" when I write down that portion of the dream later. I walk onto the back porch of my grandmother's house, and I hear my cat Gus Gus meowing and growling angrily. This back porch is also the same place where I had the sleepover in my dream, somehow. And there is a picnic table where some sleeping bags used to be. There is a field of corn on the other side of a glass wall, and there is a pug puppy yipping on the other side. Gus Gus is growling at this. I tell him to be quiet. I see Louie, the pug my family actually has in real life, and he is scratching at the glass. I am happy to see Louie.

Then, I receive a text message, it is a picture message and when I look at it, it is a scanned picture of three dead black men hung on a fence with bent up wire hangers. On them is a sign that says "kill all n******" scrawled on to card board. (There were no asterisks in the dream.) I am horrified at this, and I know it was sent from my aunt, who is the only one with access to those types of pictures, which used to belong to my grandfather. I start to pick up dolls of historic black heroes off the picnic table. There is a doll for Fredrick Douglas, Harriet Tubman, W.E.B. DuBois, and Martin Luther King. I am horrified but now even more determined to work for my task for the day, which is to get a candidate elected who happens to be black. My plan is to show these dolls to anybody who says bad things about black people, to show them that greatness knows no color. I am carrying them out of the room, when suddenly I look around and see that there are white crosses everywhere, and our family portraits have been replaced with big paintings of men in white hoods, and other racist images. I realize that people have broken into my grandmother's house and sabotaged it with racist things in order to keep me from working that day.

The enormity of their hatred and ignorance terrifies me and I fall to my knees and a small scream escapes me. Since they broke in I feel so scared an vulnerable. That means they could break in and hurt us instead of merely terrifying us with racist images. I am paralyzed with fear that makes my solar plexus feel weak and shaking, and my elbows and knees suddenly can't handle their own weight due to extreme fear.

Then I woke up, clinging hard to the edge of my bed, my jaw clenched, my eyes wide open, I did not move for at least a minute.

Driving cars and not driving cars.

I dreamt that Nick Hausman wanted me to drive a jeep to help him and his two friends find a street in Indianapolis. I drove the Jeep through the parking lot of a strip mall that I grew up near. At the end of it was O'Malia's, a grocery store. I realized I had no idea where this street was, but I knew it was at the end of a strip mall somewhere in Indianapolis. The Jeep seemlessly became a bike and I was dragging Nick and his two friends. I thought of taking the worn bike path that went into the neighborhoods behind the grocery store, but decided it was too dark out, and I had passengers so it wasn't safe. I decided to get a shopping cart and pretend I was a costumer so I could ask for directions. A person told me that the street I am looking for is just down keystone, which in my dream was Meridian (Indy people will know what I'm talking about). Just then, another of Nick's friends pulled up in a street racing car with a big trunk. Nick picked up my shopping cart, and ran into traffic to put it in the trunk. Then we got in the car and sped off. Nick was shotgun, I was in the back. The car was being driven by somebody who I recognize even now but I don't know where I met this person. I think I might have worked with him one summer in college, but he was older now in the dream. I don't remember his name.

I am in the back seat and I feel very unsafe, I keep thinking we're going to get in an accident. He is driving too fast and too close to other drivers to get them out of the way. Him and Nick are talking casually, I am really freaked out. We drive near my old high school and there are dorms outside along the road. In the windows are signs for my old high school, Carmel, along with signs for west lafayette high school. I went to college in west lafayette at Purdue.

Then we see a long, aerodynamic car driving backwards and passing people. The driver thinks this is really cool, and I am freaked out that he thinks this is cool because I'm afraid he might try it. The car in reverse pushes a semi into a wall at the corner of 116th and keystone, and a cop car goes to pull him over. I notice in the corner of my vision there is a star blinking, indicating that we are near the attention of the police. The cop car goes to pull the racing car over, and it pulls around and speeds off into the unseen distance seemingly at the speed of sound. The cop car blares it's siren and goes off after it. I note that the racing car can't go that fast for very long, and so will probably get pulled over. We decide we should get a new car.

We pull over into the grass on the side of the road and a man comes out into the car parking lot telling us that he sells cars. I realize that it is Bernie Mac, and he is eating chicken wings. I think they look delicious. Me and Nick hop the fence, and the guy driving the car has been replaced with Warren Phynix Johnson. I note how strange it is that Bernie Mac is now doing something he did as a character in Transformers, and how weird that must feel. Also, I was pretty sure he was dead, but I noted I must have been wrong. Bernie Mac points behind us and says that we are free to order some food while we decide on the car. This car dealership also sells fast food, including 6 to 8 packs of chicken wings that come individually wrapped in a small paper sack. It's making me hungry.

Then I woke up.

The two year quest to find a lost barely acquaintance

Last night, I dreamt I was visiting France with my family. Adam Schwartz was with us, and so was Stonelake. I did not know where in Paris I was. It was a small down, with many canals running through it. There was a canal that ran around the perimeter of one part of the town, and on the other side of the Canal were very tall palm trees and old houses. They looked like old civil war era southern plantation houses, with long white columns in the front and lots of windows with wooden shutters. My dad says that there are many historical cites here, apparently the Declaration of Independence was signed in one of the nice houses on the perimeter of the canal. In my dream this never struck me as strange that it was happening in France.

Adam and I are riding on a canal boat, and we meet two French-Asian sisters, named Lily and Erin. They speak French and we're not sure if they understand us. We ask them to come on our boat. We ride around on the canal and we are having so much fun. Adam and I are informed that we are being arrested on drug charges, which we know are false. We tell the two sisters that we will find them once we get out of prison. Adam and I are taken to giant boat for prisoners, and given small glass prescription bottles with the types of drugs we are being charged with possessing in them. These are slid to us through hollowed out log slides as our names are read over a loud speaker. A few are slid to me that don't have my name on them. I know I will get a small sentence for these, so I hid mine and take the other bottle with another's name it. I lie and say my name is 'Kyle Flaits'. Adam and I are on separate ships, and I don't know where my family is. I then realize that I don't know exactly where I am in Paris, so I'll probably never see those two sisters again.

The boat leaves and I am gone for many years. I eventually escape on by getting on a speed boat with some tourists while a secret agent picks up chicks on the way. I decide I will find those two sisters, which Adam has already been doing. He hasn't been having much luck, and tells me to text Stonelake and tell him to help find what town we were in.

I receive a text from Stonelake and it says "forward these to Schwartz!" There are pictures of Lily with her new fiance, and pictures of the town, which has drastically changed.

I go back to the town but I am not sure if I am in the right place. I go to a small beach that has a map of Europe on it and I find France. I look around the edge of it to see what the names of the coastal towns are. There is a woman dressed in crayfish shells and she is singing. The water, which I remembered as blue and clean, is now full of dead leaves and birds. It has become a sickly green and full of dead things. The woman is singing about how its still okay to drink the water, and the locals are telling her please don't drink it. A small boy pulls her hands away when she tries to finally drink it and she laughs at their urgency, but doesn't drink it none the less. I am looking around and the houses are gone, replaced by giant dead crayfish and sand crabs that are hung on walls they have built. A loud street Mariachi band is blasting dissonant music and banging drums. I think this is the town I left, but it looks so different. I turn around and there is Lily with her fiance. I smile and yell that it's me, and what happened to Erin? She seems excited for a second, introduced her fiance and then rolls her eyes at me because it was just one boat ride several years ago. I ask where Erin again and she evades the question but leads me to a woman who I believe is Erin, who is wearing a big white dress and has a wand with a star at the end. It turns out Erin has become a beauty queen, and there is a pageant today. And apparently, in France, the previous beauty queen winner picks the next winner.

I go with her to the edge of a canal with Lily and Lily's fiance, and we watch men and women dancing. One couple will win. I believe all the couples are beautiful, Erin criticizes them in my ear, pointing out their flaws. One couple has a seven foot woman with an over 8 foot man, and they both have abnormal exaggerations of perfect bodies. They are doing jumps and flips over a bar.

I am asked to be part of a comedy show were people wear white briefs and do weird dances and chants in front of audience members, and try to get the audience to do the same. The audience laughs at the dances I do. They mostly involve nonsense words.

Then I woke up.

Back to Tecumseh. Strange Fish.

I am dropping off some friends for another summer performing at Tecumseh in Ohio (this is an outdoor drama summer stock theatre thing I did about 4 summers ago where you live on a mountain in the middle of the woods and do theatre). I am giving a ride to Suzanne and Dan in my old '91 grey/silver maxima to the mountain, which looks completely different than I remember. I am seeing old faces of people who I recognize (but who in my actual waking life I have never met) standing along the sides of a dirt road and waving at me, Suzanne, and Dan. I park the car to get out and say hello for awhile before returning to the work I have to do back home. I start looking around for my friend Josh, and I see him in a broken down barn with lots of old rotting wood in it. I walk in the barn and wave at him and trip a bit on all the debris of old pieces of barn. Large logs and little splinters alike. I go and look for my friends to say goodbye to them, and they are standing in a clearing of grass staring at the Batcopter (which, if you didn't know, is Batman's helicopter) and listening as a man in the helicopter speaks to them through a loudspeaker. I know something is afoot, because the Joker stole the Batcopter a while back, and was the last person to have it. I have a conversation where me and commissioner Gordon realize that the joker has gone beyond just joking, and is now actively hypnotizing people from the Bat-copter. This strikes me as particularly nefarious, so I get ready to go. But, before I can go, I will need water for my journey. I take a plastic bag out full of water that contains three fish and a sea anemone that I own. There is a beta fish, a goldfish, and a little blue fish. I am in one of the cabins holding the bag and there are three beds and the cabin looks very very well put together. The walls are painted and everything is nice and clean and well put together. I think to myself that women are so much better at interior decorating than men. I go to my friend Kristin's cabin, because I know she has fish, and I ask her if my fish can stay with her fish in her fish tank because I need the water for my journey. She says of course, and I ask her if any of her fish will eat mine, she assures me they will not. I put the three fish and sea anemone in the tank. Seconds after doing this, one of her fish's mouth grows and eats the beta fish, and then the blue fish gets eaten. The sea anemone swims around by flapping it's tentacles about, which doesn't strike me as strange at all. It eats algae. I yell "oh no! My fish!" when they are eaten, and I feel regret but then I think to myself that I really kept them in that bag for a long time and probably didn't care much for them anyway. I look around and I see that Kristin's cabin is full of fish tanks filled with water and many different kinds of fish. My goldfish has somehow safely made it's way to another tank that is safer, and I am happy that at least two of my fish creatures survived. My sea anemone lands on the sands floor, and then a giant flat fish that was hiding in the sand leaps out and snaps at the water. I am very startled by this, and then wonder how the hell, and furthermore why the hell, one goes about purchasing a fish like that. I leave the cabin. Then I wake up.

The mighty improv wars.

I am fighting in this ongoing war between two factions of improvisers that is fought with squirt guns and pillows. (We’ll call them faction A and faction B) I am something of a mercenary for hire, and can fight on either side. I have two different shaped squirt guns that I am hanging on the outside of a house, they are silver and one has rounded edges and one has sharp edges. Each one is a gift given to me by one of the two factions for my work with them. I am thinking about how there are so many factions other than just A and B, and how I really saved faction A’s ass recently and they’ve been being a real dick and taking over faction B's territory for no reason. Just as I’m thinking this, I hear a van full of faction B’s rolling up, with a captain yelling “Are you ready to go into battle and fail!? Let’s go soldiers!” And they pull up to the house I’m hanging the squirt guns on and they rush into it with their pillows raised and their squirt guns drawn. I pick up my faction B gun (the one with the sharp edges) and run in behind them. We make quick work of some soldiers on the first floor, and then I see my old roommate Emily, who is now a sorceress, and we unsuccessfully try to sneak past her and are drawn into combat. She throws pots and pans at me and two other faction B people via telekinesis. My gun shoots discs at her and she is annoyed, as we walk up the stairs to the next level, we verbally insult her and she slaps at our ankles. We push a big TV at the top of the stairs out of our way and catch up with the other Faction B soldiers. We are now in a big warehouse and my gun has become a spray bottle full of purple liquid. I am holding my pillow like a shield as some faction A soldiers come up another set of stairs. I spray them in the face and hold up my pillow to block their water sprays. Just then, faction B soldiers Mellissa Cathcart and Jay Olsen escape captivity and join us. I am given instructions to go into the warehouse and get two super soakers for them. I am then told that many of the soldiers/improvisers are going to be performing in the cabaret at iO soon, and when the third group is up we are going to break Timmy Mayse (who is apparently in faction B) out of prison, and that he is tied to a chair somewhere in this house. Then I woke up.