The mighty improv wars.

I am fighting in this ongoing war between two factions of improvisers that is fought with squirt guns and pillows. (We’ll call them faction A and faction B) I am something of a mercenary for hire, and can fight on either side. I have two different shaped squirt guns that I am hanging on the outside of a house, they are silver and one has rounded edges and one has sharp edges. Each one is a gift given to me by one of the two factions for my work with them. I am thinking about how there are so many factions other than just A and B, and how I really saved faction A’s ass recently and they’ve been being a real dick and taking over faction B's territory for no reason. Just as I’m thinking this, I hear a van full of faction B’s rolling up, with a captain yelling “Are you ready to go into battle and fail!? Let’s go soldiers!” And they pull up to the house I’m hanging the squirt guns on and they rush into it with their pillows raised and their squirt guns drawn. I pick up my faction B gun (the one with the sharp edges) and run in behind them. We make quick work of some soldiers on the first floor, and then I see my old roommate Emily, who is now a sorceress, and we unsuccessfully try to sneak past her and are drawn into combat. She throws pots and pans at me and two other faction B people via telekinesis. My gun shoots discs at her and she is annoyed, as we walk up the stairs to the next level, we verbally insult her and she slaps at our ankles. We push a big TV at the top of the stairs out of our way and catch up with the other Faction B soldiers. We are now in a big warehouse and my gun has become a spray bottle full of purple liquid. I am holding my pillow like a shield as some faction A soldiers come up another set of stairs. I spray them in the face and hold up my pillow to block their water sprays. Just then, faction B soldiers Mellissa Cathcart and Jay Olsen escape captivity and join us. I am given instructions to go into the warehouse and get two super soakers for them. I am then told that many of the soldiers/improvisers are going to be performing in the cabaret at iO soon, and when the third group is up we are going to break Timmy Mayse (who is apparently in faction B) out of prison, and that he is tied to a chair somewhere in this house. Then I woke up.